Basic Training Pillows

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"Shake! Good Dog."

Agility God

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"A little help, please."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."