Baseball Commentator Pillows

Wanna come over and watch the big game? No can do, little buddy. Baseball is a gentleman's sport where they tap a tiny ball and then trot around. I don't consider any game a "big game" unless there's a chance one player could accidentally squeeze another player's spine out of his nose like toothpaste from a tube. Beach volleyball is also watchable. I was actually talking about the new "Pac-Man Vs. Superman" X-Box game.

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

Tennis ball girl.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Cricket widow's revenge 2

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

American Football.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'