Barkeep T-Shirts

"Scotch and toilet water?"

'Your glass is half full!'

"I love our litte chats, Jack, but you've got to start drinking again."

'That's one thing about him. He knows when to stop.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'The way I see it, you only get out of drinking what you put into it.'

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

I've just invented the bar.

'What a twist of fate!'

The old saying should be, 'A fool and his money are soon married!

'I'm famished, Joe -- bring me something with an olive in it.'

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Joe's Bar - You got a problem with that?

'Hey, we haven't run out of ice after all.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

JOE'S BAR, 'You can't call Joe a racist for throwing you out, dummy - you're both WHITE!'

'I never drink before 6pm. Luckily it's always 6pm somewhere in the world!'

'Three olives? Try the salad bar.'

'So there's a fly in your beer — why begrudge a fellow creature a little happiness?'

'If dodos are extinct, how do you explain our foreign policy?'

'George, you know that I only drink 'near beer' - anybody's beer that's near.'

'Hey you two! Take that outside.'

'HEY YOU TWO TAKE THAT OUTSIDE'

"Who ordered the arf and arf?"

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

Creating the old pub atmosphere...

"You know why men die earlier than women? Because they can."

"You call this ice?"

"You know what you're running here, Lou? You're running a haven, that's what you're running here, Lou."

"Finish every drop - the 5 P.M. cocktail is the most important drink of the day."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"