Barfly Banterer Pillows

"The reason I couldn't make it as a lawyer is I couldn't pass a bar."

"Yeah, our first album went vinyl."

"I consider myself a passionate man, but, of course, a lawyer first."

'OK, I give up - how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?'

Thank you for not engaging in pointless debates.

"I've spent the last 6 months teaching myself escapology."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Catnip for everyone."

'Fried chickens.'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Quiz Night...

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."