Barflies United Pillows

"Over time my taste in me has switched to mature boys."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'Fried chickens.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"Catnip for everyone."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

"What would you like me to play next?"

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'