Bar Debate Lover Pillows

"When he said he wanted to make America great again, I didn't know he meant 'grate', like the sound of fingernails scraping down a blackboard."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Oligarchy

Annual run-off at the mouth.

What's normal?

Scarcity

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

The economy.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Dialogue

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Skeptic Tank.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Now that's a win."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."