Bar Brawl Aficionado T-Shirts

'That's the last straw, mister.'

'You better not start anything...'

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'

'If you were a woman I'd punch you on the nose.'

"Welcome to the hard bar quiz. Question number 1: who are you looking at...?"

"It's Bo Beep again, she's completely lost it!"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

"But, if I don't peel off the entire label, the label wins."

Raw Piano Bar

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Frog and Princess in Bar

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

'Do you know how to make something called 'Casketon the beach?''

"I'm not whining."

"Mmm my, there is just something about a man in footie pajamas."

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"I can see that you're a cultured individual..."

"Mister, I don't know if the glass is half full or half empty. It's 12 dollars."

"You're Bard!"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."