Bar Association Anniversary Gifts

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

Team Leader

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

Networking

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

The Salesman

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

Pearly King and Queen

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

Takeovers.

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."