Bar Association Anniversary Gifts

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Team Leader

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

Networking

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

The Salesman

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

Takeovers.

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

Internet.

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Pearly King and Queen

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'