Bar Afficionado T-Shirts

'As most of our clientele are women we gave the bar a liberating name.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

La Table

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Back to school.

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

You're the botanicals in my gin

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'The way I see it, drinking is its own reward.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

A Snowman falls down drunk outside a bar.

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

Last Chance For Reality

Choice hellhole