Banking Buzz Prints

Bank: For Every New Account Get A Shiny New Quarter!

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I don't like the look of this."

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Spanish bank needs propping up.

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

Offshore tax havens.

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

loan

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'