Bandaged Patient T-Shirts

'Now I don't want you wandering over to the woman's ward.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"It feels good to unwind..."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

World Cup Fever

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Medical Supplies

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"If you need anything just wink."

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

First aid: A wizard has a bandage on his finger with turban on it.

I'll release you when you're able to pass gas. I'll be in tomorrow to pull your finger.'

'By 'fight the good fight' I don't mean you fight against it.'

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Any reason why I can't keep him in that cast?'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"

Minor Surgery

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'You can see the Doctor now. Don't ask him anything too medical.'

"Harry... Looking good buddy!"

'Keep your eye on the screen, and if anything unexpected happens, push the button!'

It's from your private medical insurance.

"There's no response. Are you sure he's in there?"