Bandage Banter Fan Pillows

'You call all this a side-effect?'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"It feels good to unwind..."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Medical Supplies

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"If you need anything just wink."

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'Any reason why I can't keep him in that cast?'

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

'We may as well make use of you.'

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

'You can see the Doctor now. Don't ask him anything too medical.'

"Harry... Looking good buddy!"

'Keep your eye on the screen, and if anything unexpected happens, push the button!'

It's from your private medical insurance.

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

Carbon Dating Agency

'Never, Ever...assume anything is free when you visit a hospital.'

Propriety

"You are so lucky. You are not going to classes for the next six months."

"There's no response. Are you sure he's in there?"

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

'I think that we can safely assume Mr Jones is on the mend, Matron.'

'Well, a quick yank didn't work, either. Let's get you some lower tack bandages.'

The Forgotten Men's Club

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"