Banality Enthusiast Pillows

"If you could eat only one type of grass for the rest of your life, what would you choose?"

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Green Balloon

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

Stop saying 'You're the boss' I KNOW I'm the boss!

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"What's on my schedule today, Fred?"

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Around here it got a little tricky...

'Excuse me, it's 1-2-3, 1-2-3, not bum-tit-tit, bum-tit-tit!'

'Our CEO's philosophy is that a happy environment means a happy bottom line.'

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

'Trucker's tan?'

"His Excellency the Lord Premier Gooboy."

Birthday Racing Car

Valentines Balloons

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'How many balloons did the kids tie to your doghouse?'

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"I like to keep things simple."

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

'Look, O'Brien, you can't just waltz in here like that and demand a raise.'