Ballroom Humorist Pillows

Ann Widdecombe

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Radiator jazz player

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Rap-scallions

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

Double Saxophone

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

No Instruments Please

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Ding" "Dong"

"Y'know, sooner or later we're going to have to let her go out unaccompanied."