Ballad Writer Mugs

Charles Causley.

Lennon and McCartney.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

George Michael

"That is an outrageous slur."

The Statue of Liberty: A Journey Fan

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Bryan Ferry

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Bashful in Nashville

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

George Michael

'He's working on a lullaby.'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I always thought love made the world go round."

Ray Davies

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Joe Henry

Jerry Lordan

'My love is like a red red rose...'

Modern Life Blues