Balance Sheet Wizard T-Shirts

"Well, the books balance - assets and liabilities match to the penny."

'I always wanted to be an accountant. There's safety in numbers, you know.'

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

"Not to worry, boss. We only suffered paper losses."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Fitness guru.'

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

business

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'