Baking Battlers T-Shirts

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'That which does not kill me, make me stronger.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

Run, Mike, Run!

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'Get an afterlife!'

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

fish in a bottle...

Spanx Tells Me No

Woman in hospital: Pick up a leaflet, Pick up a bug.

Welcome,dear, to the Garden of Weedin.

Cat wakes up owner demanding to be fed.

''Pop'? In my part of the country they're called a 'Soda-Tart'.'

Heat and Food Poisoning

Parents sleeping with a new baby.

'Can you leave the light on? It's hard to sleep with the dark shining in my eyes.'

The Tumbledweed's Sworn Enemy

'It's $15 to check a bag and $25 if you want it to arrive at your destination.'

"These soldiers are going to need artillery support to get into this egg."

'I was aiming at mama but she ducked faster than you.'

Knights of the Coffee Table

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

"It's a mug's game!"

'Note to myself: Next time I'm wide awake half the night, just get up, DO NOT fall asleep 10 minutes before the alarm goes off!'

Builder adjusting a wall.

Joe's Bar: "Forget Her" Hour, 5-8.

"I'm not 'coercing' anyone. I'm just explaining what you must do to avoid going to hell."

'She says I'm the neighbor from hell?! Just tell her to keep her bloody dog quiet.'

"I say it's broccoli, and I say, "Fuck It"."

Witness the power of this fully operational battle station

"Go to bed!""No!"

"I've got two teenage daughters and only one bathroom! This is the only way I can take a shower!"

'How many of our spouses has this maniac taken?? We end the reign of terror today!!'

"The supermarket had broccoli?? Dang, where are the supply chain disruptions when you need them?!"