Backyard Cookout Pillows

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

Aprons

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Not only were the bears coming out of hibernation but they went ahead and invited themselves to dinner.

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

"Come and get it!"

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

When Grammarians Grill: 'Well done, well-done, or, well, done?'

Licensed to grill.

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

"Well-done, alright?"

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

"What about the five that fell through?"

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I don't have the heart. You tell him the barbeque season is over.'