Backyard Cookout Pillows

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

Aprons

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Not only were the bears coming out of hibernation but they went ahead and invited themselves to dinner.

"Come and get it!"

When Grammarians Grill: 'Well done, well-done, or, well, done?'

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

"What about the five that fell through?"

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

'I don't have the heart. You tell him the barbeque season is over.'

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.