Back Talk Expert T-Shirts

'Do I have anything to say before you pass sentence? Yes, but you go first. My remarks depend on what the sentence is.'

Very Difficult Conversations

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

When mimes make an appointment...

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"It's the drink talking"

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Beer companies merge.

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"Lovely weather for it."

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

"Actually, I don't consider myself to be a have or a have-not. I'm more of a have-to-have."

"We'll get him to talk."

'When a caller asks for me, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying 'who'?'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

Small Talk Therapy

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

"Take your pick—those people are talking schools. Next to them is real estate, and over by the stairs is money."

What we talk about when we talk about the weather

'If I didn't have me to talk to, I think I'd go nuts.'

'Why did God create alcohohol?'