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"It's done wonders for my back."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'I'll clobber the first joker who ask me if I enjoyed my 'Winter Break'!'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

En garde!

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."