Back Recovery Mugs

"It's done wonders for my back."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'I'll clobber the first joker who ask me if I enjoyed my 'Winter Break'!'

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."