Baby Showers Gifts

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"Uh, I'm not ready to have a family"

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

'Look darling, her first word.'

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

Maternity Ward - 'I wonder if he'll ever leave home...'

Diapers. Formula. Yeah, well, don�t come crawling to me for a bottle when it all goes to hell. Baby Survivalist.

'But that's the baby you took in.'

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

He's definitely got your eyes!"

Feeding the baby

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'What do you mean, slam dunk??'

'It never fails to stop him crying - handing him the phone.'

'Remember 'back in the day'. . . about 15 minuted ago.'

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'Who delivers the stork's babies?'

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

Mozart's first movement: Leopold, come quick.'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'It's a girl and she's an artist in her gestational period.'

'Tic-kle the brat!'

Tartine

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.