Awkward Moment Collector Gifts

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

Too much information: 'I havent changed my underpants for three days.'

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

The only thing worse than elevator music is being stuck on an elevator with someone who loves it.

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

'Idiot.'

'Yes, Larry, you've made quite a first impression.'

'Yes, I do know you've had your eye on me. I also know that you're sitting in my quiche.'

Suddenly, Gail is recognized by her proctologist.

Ibiza Reunion - "Remember us? The Patersons?"

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Hey lady, you dropped these!"

"What do you mean, 'you're exhausted from having sex five times a week'?... I only have it twice a week!"

"It's been a very well organised funeral. I've had a blast, really great fun!"

"This is Arthur, my first husband."

"You told me to mingle, so I have been mingling."

"Are you regular?" "Every morning at 6AM." "That's good." "But I don't wake up until 7."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"You know all those anonymous gifts to charities – that was me,."

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

"If I knew it was gonna be this slow, I would have waited to say goodbye."

"‘How is everything?’ Well, I don’t think everything is going very well … but my pasta is excellent, thank you."

"Mom, Dad, this is my therapist, John, whom I've told so much about you."

"...have never been so embarrassed!"

Lois rejoins her blind date, hoping he won't notice the make-up she has smudged on her blouse.

"So how big are your boobs then?"

Bumper Sticker Reads: My Son Is Hung Like A Donkey

"Maybe you're curious about my horn?"

"Thanks for an evening I'm sure I'll repress for the rest of my life."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'Well, are you wearing clean underwear or not?'