Awkward Aristocrat T-Shirts

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

What price beauty?

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I don't want to rob the rich anymore, Marian, I want to BE the rich.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"Me: I never get invited to anything Also me: Sorry, I'm so tired, think I'll stay in."

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

The Nobility Scooter

Send. End.

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"We're in the city now, Bob—stop making eye contact with everyone."

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

Countess

"And on the floor is the present duchess...."

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

At a mansion with a doorman a dog and cat have their own little doors with their own little doormen.

"She might have stayed longer if you answered the door with your pants on."

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Queen Elizabeth II