Awkward Aristocrat T-Shirts

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

What price beauty?

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

'It creeps me out when he watches the History Channel and takes notes!'

'I don't want to rob the rich anymore, Marian, I want to BE the rich.'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Me: I never get invited to anything Also me: Sorry, I'm so tired, think I'll stay in."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

The Nobility Scooter

"We're in the city now, Bob—stop making eye contact with everyone."

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

Send. End.

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

"She might have stayed longer if you answered the door with your pants on."

At a mansion with a doorman a dog and cat have their own little doors with their own little doormen.

'How can you possibly be busy washing your hair for the rest of your life???'

"And on the floor is the present duchess...."

Countess

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."