Award-winning Individuals Pillows

Presidential Medal of Freedom

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Award Winning Gardener

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Win - win

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Soccer coach of the year.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Zdeno Chara

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Norman E-Mailer

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."