Award Season Analyst T-Shirts

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

May I have the envelope, please?

I hope that "golden showers" dossier about Trump is true. That'd be awesome. How so, little buddy? Well, I was always a big fan of the cold war. I loved "Red Dawn" and "War Games" and "James Bond" and all those really cool cold war movies. If it's true that our new president is actually being blackmailed by the Russians, we might finally have a real "Manchurian Candidate." I've calculated that the number of "Twilight Zone" episodes that might still come true has just grown by half a dozen. I hop

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Barbie Oscars

'...well you say you're Stephen Hawking but as Eddie Redmayne said he was going to turn up in character we're not too sure."

Oscars acceptance speech.

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Djargo.

Oscars

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"I want to thank all the little people."

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

New Course At The New School

"I think I just won Best Director!"

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

"And the award for the best interruption of an oscar speech goes to...The woodwinds."

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'