Awaiting A Newborn Pillows

"So! Who's the father?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

TAP TAP TAP TAP

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."