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"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

"So it's agreed then. There'll be no third runway, and you'll head the Fourth Runway steering group."

The latest innovation in air travel: convertible jets.

'I'm getting old: I can still spot a rabbit a kilometre away, but I can't read the newspaper anymore...'

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'That's New.'

A man a plan a canal Panama.

'Today's safety topic is HELICOPTER SAFETY!'

'I don't necessarily agree with the pilots' strike, but you gotta love their picket line.'

'You didn't read the small print, sir - Your ticket restricts you to a seat kicked continuously by a small child.'

Further Cutbacks

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

"Yippe! Join the dots"

'I'm not saying you wouldn't try to do the right thing in an emergency, it's just. . . look at your freaky little arms.'

'You and your shortcuts.'

OOPS!

'That was quick!'

'My job as a carrier pigeon is a lot easier now I am using the GPS.'

'It's $50 for the extra bag, $20 for a reassuring smile and $30 for a ‘have a nice flight.''

'I'll say he's busy. He has hundreds of frequent flower miles!'

"This is your pilot speaking. I'll be working from home today."

'OK everyone, standard brief - I take two cups of coffee before take-off, another with lunch and a twenty minute bathroom break on decent.'

'I've outlived another airline.'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Airline service.

"...Tell them we're encountering turbulence."

'Any luggage to check...? Then we'll be charging you a $25 'no bag' fee.'

Hi Jack! - Plane passengers confuse greeting.

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'Always with the 'v'...would it kill us to try a 'w'? Even an 'i' would be cool.'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'They're off the chart but we're tracking them on radar.' (BA Profits).

A dog flying a small plane.