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"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

"So it's agreed then. There'll be no third runway, and you'll head the Fourth Runway steering group."

'I'm getting old: I can still spot a rabbit a kilometre away, but I can't read the newspaper anymore...'

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'That's New.'

A man a plan a canal Panama.

Further Cutbacks

'Today's safety topic is HELICOPTER SAFETY!'

'I don't necessarily agree with the pilots' strike, but you gotta love their picket line.'

'You didn't read the small print, sir - Your ticket restricts you to a seat kicked continuously by a small child.'

"Yippe! Join the dots"

'I'm not saying you wouldn't try to do the right thing in an emergency, it's just. . . look at your freaky little arms.'

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

'My job as a carrier pigeon is a lot easier now I am using the GPS.'

'That was quick!'

OOPS!

'You and your shortcuts.'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'OK everyone, standard brief - I take two cups of coffee before take-off, another with lunch and a twenty minute bathroom break on decent.'

'It's $50 for the extra bag, $20 for a reassuring smile and $30 for a ‘have a nice flight.''

'Any luggage to check...? Then we'll be charging you a $25 'no bag' fee.'

'I'll say he's busy. He has hundreds of frequent flower miles!'

"This is your pilot speaking. I'll be working from home today."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Hi Jack! - Plane passengers confuse greeting.

'Always with the 'v'...would it kill us to try a 'w'? Even an 'i' would be cool.'

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'I've outlived another airline.'

Airline service.

"...Tell them we're encountering turbulence."

'The champagne flight reports six more UFOs.'

"No, we're good. This gentleman accidentally touched my breast and I accidentally broke his nose."

"I spy with my little eye—something on fire."