Average Joe Admirer Gifts

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"You look pretty shifty in the getup. . . even for the subway."

Hollywood producer.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"Beats me. They put up the sign and went to their panic room."

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

TV stage door

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

Statue of Liberty With Face Mask

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'

'I'm Bored'

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

Moses' TV guide.

Freddie's water