Autumn Humor Pillows

Fall, in summary...

Pumpkin patch

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Little help?"

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"We don't use good and bad lists anymore. Now we have stupid, really stupid and completely nuts lists."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

'He wants to return some shade trees because they stopped working in November.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Look! There's Santa!'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

Night of the Living Reindeer

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Snowman Romance

"Sorry I'm late. We were delayed when Rudolph caught a drone in his antlers."

Santa Enjoys Venison.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

It was brighter than most, and Biggins allowed himself a quiet smile as he contemplated the immense speeds involved as it burned itself up in the atmosphere...

Two Men Who Wouldn't Get Off the Ski Lift.

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"I smell cranberries."

"This is the only time of the year when we get to hit the children."