Automotive Tester Prints

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

Disoriented while talking on his cell phone, Pat made a series of wrong turns in the unfamiliar office park.

Taking the Driverless Car Out for a Spin.

'My electric car is giving me static!'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

'According to the diagnostic computer, your problems are due to El Nino.'

"So this is what you want? This is why after school, almost every day, you spend all your extra free time working at the auto store?"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

'You got clowns in your engine. That's what's making them funny noises.'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Rust test in progress.

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

You were fixing cars in your sleep again.

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

'Would you do that noise that your car makes on more time...it's hilarious!'

"Nap time."

Product Testing Department

'Have you tried hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete?'

"Is that one of those cars that tells you when it needs maintenance?"

Former Auto Crash Dummy. Replaced By Driverless Car.

22. Being tireless is good trait to have in most jobs, but not when you're working on a pit crew.

'Difficulty getting started in the morning, stalling, various leaks, gas fumes...at this point Mrs Johnson, I'd recommend getting a new husband!'

'We couldn't find anything wrong with your car, so all you owe us is for 2 hours of search.'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

He did love tinkering on his cars.

"See that dog, Mr. Hendricks? That means you either have a shredded fan belt or your fuel pump is sucking air."