Automotive Detective Gifts

Researchers find proof that the legendary lead foot exists.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'I'd like to report a peeping tom.'

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

Micro and Macro Department,

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."

Devil in the detail

When pedants take a break.

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Fingerprints on your laptop screen?... wow, that's a real mystery.'

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

Forward Planning - The key to Success

Closing Laugh Mystery Publications

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

'Well,here's the answer to why your car has been running so rough in the mornings Mr.Tait...It's pregnant!'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

Think Zero Defects

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'There's only one piece left. C'mon, we can figure this out.'

'Dad put that sign there to keep tabs on my driving!'

'Curious Man Discovers Magnifying Glass With His Magnifying Glass.

Yes, he looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, but you still have to prove he's a duck beyond a reasonable doubt.

"The little one? That's for small print!"