Automated Response Endurer Pillows

"If you want to know what you cand do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

Coronavirus Global Alert

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"I only told a few friends."

Rudy, is there life after battery life? I don't understand, Doug 2.0. If we have made our last computation, if our processor has expired. Do we ascend to some other network, a place without pop-ads and spam? Are you sick, Doug 2.0? Are you dying? Negative. It has contracted a terrible, irreversible virus. Oh! Your laptop has died and you want to know if it's going to heaven. Will it look down on me and still track my movements? How a geek mourns.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"I miss the free food, but it's nice to get our seat back."

"Of course you couldn't be replaced by an app. It would take at least two."

"How's your lowrider blog going?"

Death in the red zone

"Have a nice day"

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"I want my job back."

Call now! Performers in dramatizations in informercials often rush through their lines. They're following the exhortation to "act quickly."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

Computer driving a fork-lift in a warehouse.

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

Doctors

Coronavirus: "Not so fast!"

'And press nine if you are loosing the will to live!'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

I'm not a rabbit

It's so hard to reach a real person these days.

Ursula von der Leyen

"Here we go, one lap left in the Olympic Finals, and we're heading into the final sprint!"

On Stephen Harper's answering machine..Michaelle calls.

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

'That's F-E-M-A!' Rebuilding New Orleans.

'If you want to pay your bill, press one. If you want to discuss your bill, press two. If you're frustrated because you can't just talk to a living, breathing, human being, press three.'

Cuba has sent 165 doctors to africa to fight Ebola.

"Is it true, Minister, 30% of jobs lost due to robots?"

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

A doctor with a hypodermic syringe.