Auto Shop Clerk Pillows

"Ugh...it's Mr. Martinez. He's always picking fights with all the clerks."

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"So...do you have a job now?"

The tinman was hoping his wife liked the new muffler he bought her.

A Lady Out Shopping.

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

'The old one fell apart.'

"This plan gives you unlimited talk, hex and data."

Mannequin protest

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

'No thanks, just looking.'

'Brilliant idea, Simkins, the old price was actually higher than the present one!'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

'If you lose your electrical charge before you get to a recharge, you just wind this.'

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

'Our clientele is middle class; you know, your average Joe-750ml.'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

Self-Outsourced