Authority Comedy Fan Pillows

'That's a lie. I wasn't expelled - I resigned . . .'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Why do they do that?"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Skiing.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Dog Walking Services

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Intelligent people laugh too!

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."