Austerity Buster Gifts

"It's a part of the new austerity program – e now run things by paralegal."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

Time for More Paperwork

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

Turkish Democracy

'Yes, sir, what can I do for you?'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"Do you have an appointment?"

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

"The admin shouldn’t take more than 30 or 40 hours, then you’ll be free to get on with some work."

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

'This is a job for a consultant.'

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'