Auction Hunting Pillows

"Sotheby's extends its deepest sympathies and wonders whether the deceased might have owned any early German Expressionist pieces."

'You have a Remington etching that has a mate somewhere of this coach scene. . . if you had the mate and cleaned the etching it would be worth $5,000 at auction. . . by itself $150.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Take five Harry, I'm going on ahead to scout for sales'

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"It's called 'Sold'."

"I'm sorry, honey. I thought you'd be happy that your germ-ridden blanket was such a hit on eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"I got it from eBay."

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

Titanic iceberg auction

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

The Battle of the Pictures.

"We've been milked all day at the office. Now we girls deserve a little R&R."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

'It sold for how much!'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.