Auction House Staff Pillows

Auction.

Auctioneer: Going, Going, Gone to Lunch.

"Sold to the man with the itchy ear."

Auction Rooms - Going...Going...Gone to Lunch

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"It's called 'Sold'."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"I got it from eBay."

Titanic iceberg auction

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

The Battle of the Pictures.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

'It sold for how much!'

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'Now, a real collectable to bid on: a signed first edition of The First History of the World.'

'Actually, I'm here just for the wine and cheese.'

'Me lost, I come in peace.'