Auction House Employee Pillows

"Sotheby's extends its deepest sympathies and wonders whether the deceased might have owned any early German Expressionist pieces."

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

An early Picasso painting is sold at auction - it is a painting from when Picasso was a child

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"It's called 'Sold'."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

"The Salvador Dali Museum does offer flex time to employees."

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

The Battle of the Pictures.

'You bought it - you can lie in it!'

Titanic iceberg auction

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

'It sold for how much!'

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'Actually, I'm here just for the wine and cheese.'