Auction House Employee Pillows

"Sotheby's extends its deepest sympathies and wonders whether the deceased might have owned any early German Expressionist pieces."

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"It's called 'Sold'."

"I got it from eBay."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

"The Salvador Dali Museum does offer flex time to employees."

The Battle of the Pictures.

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Titanic iceberg auction

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

Leonardo da Vinci painting - $450 million record.

'Actually, I'm here just for the wine and cheese.'

"... $3 million, I have $3 million. Can I get $4 million? Yes, $4 million ..."

'Now, a real collectable to bid on: a signed first edition of The First History of the World.'

'It sold for how much!'