Attending A High-end Party Pillows

'Don't remove the tag. I want everyone to see when I'm finally wearing an expensive dress.'

Sloaney Pony.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Here. Don't forget to put on your 'party face'.'

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

Carpet

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

'We were going to give you a severance package, but we used it to throw you this retirement party instead.'

'That one is a real bargain if you don't mind the chin strap.'

"Okay, so you'll remind me who these people are, and later I'll explain their jokes to you."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

So glad you could make it!

Penguin Party - 'Formal? Damn it Kevin, you told me it was fancy dress!'

'How do you do? I'm your wife's husband by a previous marriage.'

Purple dress

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."