Attending A High-end Party Pillows

'Don't remove the tag. I want everyone to see when I'm finally wearing an expensive dress.'

Sloaney Pony.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"May I have this arythmic flail?"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

All dressed up and no place to go

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Zoo Society Costume Party. Lot's of people had the same idea --- We're surrounded by fake gnus.

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Here. Don't forget to put on your 'party face'.'

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"December 29, 1991: Janet sacrifices months of self esteem therapy for the perfect New Year's Eve dress." "It's called an 'Everest' gown because it would be a monumental task to squeeze that mountain you call an ass into it."

"Edwin says Cole Porter is overrated."

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

Carpet

'We were going to give you a severance package, but we used it to throw you this retirement party instead.'

'That one is a real bargain if you don't mind the chin strap.'

"Okay, so you'll remind me who these people are, and later I'll explain their jokes to you."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

Happy Birthday Headless Horseman.

Penguin Party - 'Formal? Damn it Kevin, you told me it was fancy dress!'

So glad you could make it!

"Call me old-fashioned, but I felt much more at home with the Forsytes than I do with the Louds."

Purple dress