Attendance Coordinator Pillows

'You have been cutting classes all term. I'm going to issue a computer tracking number to you, so I can know your location.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Turn Down For What.

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

Wisely, many wedding planners are hiring refs to monitor the bouquet toss.

The Aisle

Maypole

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"You owe me £50. I told you that he didn't have the nerve not to turn up!"

"So that's five for bailing, and three for patching. If there are no objections, the chair will now hear arguments."

A pirate and a bride

Eurocopa 2016

A midwinter potluck! How lovely!! Let me check the calendar! Oh, too bad! Thwack! We already have something on that date!

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen that move - Show me something new! Inflatable air dancer tryouts.

Human resources department is a stock full of humans.

"What do you mean hot dog is out sick?—but I'll look stupid all by myself!"

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

'Finally, I'd like to thank the bridesmaids...wait a minute: wrong speech!'

Bridezilla

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.