Attachment Parenting Advocates T-Shirts

I'm into attachment parenting. What's that? Making your whole life revolve around the child 24/7, and breastfeeding it till it's a toddler. It's all the rage. I see. HOJ. I see one big problem with this. Way ahead of you. I've ordered a French orphan. You don't have breasts.

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

First Steps

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Mobile phone damage to children.

"Next to my two years in the Marines, you're the best thing I've ever done."

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

Modern Baby Mobiles

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

Breastfeeding

"She seems nice. A little clingy... but nice."

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

"Is there something wrong with the car, Mom?"

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

We ARE playing catch.

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

Next On The Agenda

Children Influenced By Parent's Behaviour

"You gave him his own social media account? That's adorable!"

'My dad is really strong and he also has extra-cool fine motor skills: He can use tools!'

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

"Dad, sparklers are for kids!"

"Helicopter parent is old school. Now we have drone parents."

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."