Assemble-it-yourself Warrior Gifts

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Fixing the TV.

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

Burn out

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'You're too aggressive.'

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

'Okay. Now. Insert Part K into slot G...'

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

Self-Assembly Bookcase

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

In these hard economic times, positive self worth trumps negative self worth.

Axes 'R' Us Store

The Emersons at Home

"Why do I let everybody walk all over me?'

Computer Repairs

"Relax Mr Dobbs, our interviews are very informal so please take a seat."

'Make sure he does a number two.'

Fighting With Yourself

"Relax dear. You haven't 'put on a ridiculous amount of weight'. You've just forgotten to take off your armour."

"Told you we shouldn't list each other as emergence contacts."

"Not to lecture, but the skull of your fallen enemy is reusable and much less wasteful."