Aspiring Monk T-Shirts

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"I fell I have a great novel me."

"She gets her musical ability from me."

"Right here's the problem, apparently you have a novel in you"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

'You should now feel relaxed and at one with your whole body.'

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

Getting Published