Aspiring Monk T-Shirts

"In a previous life, I was married to Shirley MacLaine."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

Kiddies Menu for Witches

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

"She gets her musical ability from me."

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

"I fell I have a great novel me."

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

"Right here's the problem, apparently you have a novel in you"

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

'You should now feel relaxed and at one with your whole body.'

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

I think I have at least one book in me. And he yells at me for chewing on things!

"It started out as the Great American Novel. Then The Great American Screenplay. . . Short Story. . . Blog Post. . . And now I've got it edited down to a Tweet."

Getting Published