Aspiring Broadcasters Gifts

'The best way to start in broadcasting is to learn how to work the booth.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

Presenter Auditions.

Ian Hislop

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

"First let me say that your father and I really, really wanted to like your performance."

'Our guest today is. . . er. . . a Corporation. . .'

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

All our servers are locally caught from a sustainable source — the actors' academy across the street.

'Good lick with your future acting career. And just to give you an idea of how tough it is out there, here's a copy of 'Withnail and I'. The uncut version.'

'Nothing doing folks, except ? surprise, surprise ? here's another for you, Desert Island Bloke.'

'I'm playing a crowd member in the Easter pageant. I was going to play Pilate 'til I found out I'd have to wash my hands.'

The young Lisa Laflamme.

'How do you know he wants to go to college? Maybe he wants to be a sportscaster.'

Career center: 'I'm planning to replace Katie Couric when she retires!'

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'PBS is weird -- they just ran an eight-hour commercial about how they never have commercials.'

Bernard Derome: If the trend continues...I'll be retiring in 2009.

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

'Now, for the world from the street, we go to out embedded reporter...'

"Note cards, like a TV talk-show host! Now I can talk intelligently on any subject!"

Sports update: Some teams won and some teams lost.

'I'm running into lots of trouble with my ambition to be a shock jock.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Bill O'Reilly'

'And for those of you with weird brains, here is the financial news...'

'However, the jurors unanimously agreed that Blogojevich is the politician with the best hair!'

'Yes, we're having another fund raiser but, please don't give! Who cares if honest intelligent radio goes silent forever?'

"This Just In."

Kaitlan Collins - Chief W. H. Correspondent CNN