Arts Correspondent Gifts

The Critic...

You're my Mona Lisa.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'They all want to play the star.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

"Well....I could've done this!"

Press Freedom

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Back to school.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

Emergency Hipster Beard

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature