Artificial Beauty Admirers Gifts

'She looks good because it's not natural. It's all plastic.'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"Hair spray"

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Got anything with a little less musk?'

'Botox.'

"It's depressing, people just don't take our work seriously."

'Medium well, please.'

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'

'What do you think? Edible nail polish.'

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

When he saw her first strands of grey hair he thought she'd dye.

'It's an easy product to sell. We just have patients view themselves in high def.'

Man on tube using dreadlock as support.

"My secretary just made me aware of the necessity of investing in the beauty industry."

"I heard raising your grandkids can help keep you young. Please tell me there's an easier way."

Idealized portrait of a rooster.

Week three, things started to get ugly.

"You mean to say you haven't even put your face on yet?"

Newly amputated arm points to captain Hooks' cabin.

"May be I should part my hair on the right."

Introducing... My Natural Hair Color!

'Honey, I need some money for a facial: I need to look my best with all these photo safaris around...'

Unnecessary Surgery

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

Cosmetics keep men from reading between the lines.

"...with the Botox injections... I never lose at poker."

'Charlene had never thought of herself as beautiful, but..well...mirrors don't lie.'

'The truth is there is no 'Youth Formula' worth millions. This is Mountain Dew.'

In space, no-one can hear you scream.