Arthurian Devotee Gifts

Sword

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

Lady of the bath...

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

Knights of the bedside table.

'I'd like a round table!'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

Knights of the Square Table.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

Knights of the Round Whatever

'Whoever wants my job must lift the sword from the stone.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

'The small sword? That's for internships.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

Pizza at the Round Table

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

"They're my Knights of the Round Table! - Stop calling them my focus group!"

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

Lady of the Remote

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Illustration for 'A Legend of Camelot', scene 2.

"What a midfield wizard!"

"Whoa, Galahad-you've got a bad case of knight face."

Camelot Arms Fair

"I thought this would be easier than a drawn-out political campaign."

'Forget about the Holy Grail for now - I want you to look for weapons of mass destruction.'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.