Art Critic Humorist Prints

Art Critics.

''Waste of Space II' is ok, but 'Bunch of Crap' does it for me every time.'

'Turned out non-figurative again...'

"With apologies. . ? I'd have put: 'You know where you can stick it!'"

You're my Mona Lisa.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Well....I could've done this!"

Use your imagination.

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Projectile painting.'

"The Eggsorcist"

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Convenience.

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'