Art Class Participation Gifts

'She had a boob job halfway through the sitting!'

The Art Student.

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

'I'm in my Blue period.'

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Projectile painting.'

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"It's a mobile."

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

How to draw a martian!

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Sorry, I've said all I can say in this medium.

German School

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Children's imagination

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

Cubism Model